Saturday, 30 March 2013

EVEYRDAY | The Body Confidence Post

This isn't something I would normally do, and quite frankly I don't know how well this is going to go down with people. But I thought, after today and after something huge, it needed doing. This isn't going to be a post about me and my problems and how I have overcome them because my problems are very personal. However, I want other people to know just how far I have come in such a short space of time.

First off, I just want to stick a giant middle finger (sorry!) up to all those who bullied me and called me fat. Yes, I was 16st and a size 16. Well, you know what, screw you! I am now a size 10, that's right, size 10 and 10.8st. I don't care about putting that on the internet because yes, maybe I want to lose a little weight on my stomach and yes I am exercising to tone up more, but do you know what? I am happy. I say it to myself everyday. I have every right to be happy with my body. After everything it has been put through and everything I myself have put it through, we are finally in unison with each other and are co-operating (as cliche and weird-o as that sounds!)

Secondly, I do not in any way endorse dieting. I believe it is a persons choice. They should not be forced into it by anyone nor do I believe anyone should be made to feel like they should be on one. HOWEVER, saying that, I was one to comfort eat. Badly. I got it unfortunately off my mum. It came to a head last year when I realised how much I was comfort eating and it really scared me. So I decided to stop. And I have. I don't snack, I don't eat a lot of junk food anymore, I try and stay healthy and now I am exercising more to rebuild up the muscle tone I used to have when I did ballet. Yes, I may be sat here with a glass of rose, and god knows I do NOT want to know how many calories are in this glass alone, but one a week doesn't hurt.

Thirdly, today I did something new. I bought a dress! Yes yes, I know, that sounds weird for someone who likes fashion to say, but I bought a dress, and a dress that was a size 10 and a dress that didn't have a peplum to hide my stomach and I just bought it on impulse. I didn't try it on in the store, I just picked it up, bought it, got the bus home, tried it on and fell in love. It just fit right and hung wonderfully. (For reference, New Look £14.99. If you are American, try eBay to find one similar! But honestly, since midi dresses have started coming back into fashion I have wanted one, and I just thought STUFF IT and bought one after work!) I cannot wait to wear this one out into town with my heeled ankle boots and blazer! I am gunna feel great!

Fourthly, and this is possibly the hardest part (AND WARNING: TRIGGERS!), I bought some Bio-Oil today after being reccommended it by friends and counsellors. I have struggled a lot with myself, and for people who saw my post on IG with the 'you are worth more' written on my arm you will understand WHY I bought this. To put it bluntly, I am going on holiday in May and although I may feel good about my body as a whole, I am not comfortable with the scars I have. After punishing myself for 3 years about everything that has happened to me, I am happy to finally say I can class myself in recovery as I have not harmed in 5 days. For me, that is a lot, and I am so happy with that. Yes, things have happened and I have wanted to result back to my usual self, but my holiday and the looks on my families face when they see me in a bikini is what stopped me, and I don't think they will ever know what they have done to save me. So yes, I have admitted it on the internet now, there is not going back, but I am proud to have been 5 days without punishing myself. I am proud.

Lastly, fifthly, in conclusion, in every cliche way, your body is your body. What you do with it is your choice. But honestly, I am realising now, one decision can affect you for a life time. That is why I am trying to turn it all around, trying to sort myself out and get everything in order because I know if I don't now I will regret it. Better late than never ey! Honestly, I am not one to sit here and type to you and say 'LOL DIETS 4 LYF' 'SELF HARMING WAS DA BEST TIME OF MA LYF' or 'IM GUNA COMFORT EAT CAUSE SOMEONE SAID I WAS DUM' no. I am not gunna do that. Everyone is so different and that is what makes YOU, yes you, great! Makes YOU fantastic and wonderful and brilliant! The choices I have made with my body are my own, I am putting them on here to tell part of my story, and to finally say HELLS YEAH I FEEL GOOD! So yeah, make your own choices, but be prepared to live with the consequences!

As the saying goes, a moment on the lips a lifetime on the hips! And honestly, I swear to god, if anyone needs me, contact me. Seriously. That's right, just over there >>> click it, you'll win a prize! ;)

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