Saturday, 28 February 2015

CATCH UP | i have nothing witty to say

new tattoos | re-reading the hobbit | me and my girl ellen | day trip to poole | valentines gifts | rererewatching the walking dead | me and my man | forgetting how long my hair is | new primark scented candle

every time i do a post called 'catch up' i have something witty to write as the title, or some excuse as to why i have been distant. this time i don't, and it feels different. for some reason every thing has been getting to me recently and i have barely been on social media, and if i have it has been nothing too big. i have just been working my butt off and thats about it. i don't do very much else at the moment. sure, i have my theatre group twice a week and i am relatively enjoying that, and i have my man who i try to see when i can, but apart from that there isn't a lot i do. so my catchup post with all my excuses for today i thought should feature some pictures of what i appear to have been doing.

so recently i decided to make the change in my life to save up and move out, this part you all know. i moved out of my childhood home at the end of november and have been renting a room from my landlady. this has been great and just what i needed to get my feet in the water of the whole 'growing up' thing. even more recently, myself and a friend have decided to save up and get a flat together, so that is one of the reasons why i am trying to work my bum off - so i can afford to rent a place and pay bills and things. i am also working my bum off because i am trying to prove myself in my work environment. for a while now i have wanted to progress to become a supervisor, but because you have to go through a training programme to progress you have to be ready, and i am not yet. however, after being given a mentor supervisor to work along side, being given responsibilities and opportunities i can never repay back for i am finally starting to believe in myself and my abilities. i am trying to have more confidence in my process knowledge and what i am doing, trying every day to do something helpful or useful, being more proactive and doing things without asking, trying not to ask silly questions that i already know the answer to. thing is, i know i am perfectly capable of being the respectable mature grown up person i need to be to show them that i am ready, but for some reason it is just not happened, and i am getting frustrated at myself. but, that is my burden to bear, and i am working my butt off for money and for respect, and i shall carry on every single day, no matter what shift i am on, no matter who i am working with.

another thing that i am trying to do more often is see my friend ellen. we have been friends since year 5, so for about 8/9 years, and we know each other pretty well. she went off to university like many of my other friends and i didnt see her for a very long time. we met up for the first time in a very long time a few months ago and it was so so lovely to see her again. she has the same feelings as me when it comes to friends we haven't seen for a while, so it was nice for someone to understand where i was coming from, and that i wasn't being nasty, when i said i didnt want to talk to anyone because i felt like i was intruding on their life because they were all moving on with theirs and i was still here. but we have met up every few weeks or so and it has been so lovely to see her again and catch up and remember the good old times. i have missed her, after going 8 years seeing each other every day to not seeing each other, and not really speaking, for almost a year it sucked. balls. it sucked big balls.

and then there are my tattoos. i did make a youtube video, which is linked here for you to check out. i got two small ones, both on my right arm, to start my sleeve. i also have a big one planned for april around my birthday time, i am planning on getting the white tree of gondor with the inscription from the ring around it with shading and all sorts (i do have a reference photo but i can't find the original link it is from so i don't want to post it, i will probably put it up on instagram at some stage so keep an eye out for that!) i know i have just said that i am saving up to move out, but my birthday is a different thing - i will no longer be a teenager and i want to celebrate that in true style! it also means i have yet another baby to look after and my arm will finally start to look fuller! 

so yes. that is basically all that has been going on. apart from the fact i came over and surprised ben for valentines day and made a red velvet cake and dinner so that was nice, i planned it with his parents and they managed to keep it a secret so I'm happy about that haha. i have got a few days off work at the moment so i am hoping to catch up on some blog post writing (and maybe a youtube video featuring a special guest, i haven't decided yet!) so hopefully i will be able to post even if i am not in the mood for writing on the day. i hope everyone is okay and having a good time and that 2015 has been treating you well - right, can we please just take a moment to realise that it is the end of february! how did that happen?!

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