Tuesday, 26 September 2017

26th September

A wise person once said that we have to move on from the past before you can accept the future. And that could not be more true.

Today, for me, started out like any other day. But it wasn't until I went on to Timehop that I realised what significance this day has to my life.

I wanted to share this little significance with you, as for me it isn't little. It is a very big thing.


Two years ago I made one of the biggest decisions in my short 22 years. After having been living away from home for roughly 10 months in a room rent (living in someone else's house), I took on a full time position in August 2015 which allowed me to move out permanently.

On this day, two years ago, I signed the contract to my first flat. I was 20, working full time as assistant manager in retail and I became self sufficient. I was proud.

I learnt fairly quickly how expensive living away can be, and I tried to budget and failed (I still struggle with budgeting now but I am better than I was.) I had so many high expectations of what I could have in the flat and what I could afford and I realised fairly early on how unrealistic those expectations were.

Nevertheless, I lived on my own in my own little place. It was exactly what I wanted, what I needed and where I wanted to be. 


One year ago today I said goodbye to that little flat. When I took this picture I was stood in the kitchen, so you can see how small it was (I like to call it a large studio flat).

Towards the end, my mental health took a sharp downturn because of a bad ending to a relationship, and because of that the flat began to feel too small and claustrophobic for me. I would hate being in it, but I would get social anxiety and hate being out of it.

It was a very viscous circle.

But despite an unhappy parting with the flat itself, I learnt so much about myself there. I am still learning every day. Yesterday I went to visit my family to celebrate my sisters birthday and I felt very strange being sat in my childhood home. I felt like I should be there, but I shouldn't. It was almost like I felt I didn't belong there. (and Mother, if you are reading this, this is not for fault. You know what my head is like.)

So much had changed in my life, and my appearance, and my head, and my heart in the year that I lived in this flat. And despite being unhappy when I left, this flat gave me more than I can put in to words.


Although our contract does not officially end until October, Matt and I have made the decision to stay in our Poundbury flat.

Having lived on my own, living with someone else is a big change. Matt and I knew each other for 9 years before we lived together, and I am very grateful my tall friend accepted my crazy ass in to his life permanently. 

I have learnt even more about myself in the time in Poundbury than I did living on my own. This is the first place I have called "home" since moving out, and that is a big deal.

I am excited for where the next year will take me in my flat journey, and now we plan on staying I have a few small scale ideals for my room - I would like to get a desk, get some more drawers for beauty and candles (cause that is literally all I own, I kid you not) and would like to fill my blank wall in my room with some art work and family pictures.

Thank you past. Here's to the future.


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